A Different Sort Of New Year’s Resolution
Happy Year of the Dragon, and an especially happy year to any of my fellow dragons out there.
As we cross over into 2024 (eek! 2024!) I have been thinking about the perils and possibilities of New Year’s resolutions, especially as someone who helps others through the change process. At this point I think many of us know, either through reading the research or through our own experience, that most New Year’s resolutions never came to fruition. This can seem dispiriting. But here are some other possibilities.
Rather than “resolution”, try “intention”. I love the word “intention”. It’s so gentle. It suggests pointing yourself in a direction that really matters to you, rather than forcing some outer change on your vulnerable, oh-so-human self. It’s also more aspirational than “resolution”, a chance to look into your soul and find out what really matters to you. My intention this year is “kindness to myself and others”.
Ask yourself “why?” five times. I think this is a brilliant approach. By the end of those five whys you will know if this really matters to you, and you may also know something about yourself you didn’t know before. It may even change your intention. For instance, “Kindness to myself and others” - why? Because sometimes I forget about myself when I am thinking of others. Why? I just get so focused on the other. Why? It’s an old habit. Why? I suppose it was a way of coping, as a young person, and I don’t want to seem selfish. Why? I have a judgment about being selfish. Why? I was taught that way. After that exercise I can really see that this “story” about selfishness is what gets in my way for basic kindness and self care, and I have a much better chance of rewriting the story. And a truer intention, I now see is: “kindness to myself as well as others - and that’s not selfish!”
Make it small. My training taught me, in helping others to make change, that the way we are most likely to succeed is to have a goal that is actually ludicrously small. When someone suggests a goal to me, I ask them, “what would half of that be?” and “half of THAT?”, then I continue until they start laughing. That’s a “right-sized” goal.
Check in with the body. Does this desire on your part feel GOOD? Does it make you excited? Does it make you happy and tingly? Or does it feel heavy and discouraging? The body doesn’t lie. Trust it.
Know that you can always, always begin again. However far you have strayed from your intention, each moment offers the opportunity to begin again.
Finally, go with something genuinely fun. Maybe you want to be healthier this year. Well, what is THE MOST FUN, MOST GLORIOUSLY DELICIOUS WAY you can be healthier? Try that first. :)
